In the midst of yet another tragedy that has struck our campus, I must stop to ask the question we all wonder:
Where is God in all of this?
The answer is simple: He's right in the midst of it.
But what does this mean? When situations such as this arise, the cliches start flowing.
Oh, the Lord has a plan.
It's for a purpose.
God will be with you.
Etc.
But what comfort does this bring a person that has experienced tragedy first-hand? It very nearly does the opposite sometimes. People who are hurting, whether believers or not, are not interested in cliche "I-don't-know-what-else-to-say" expressions. They're asking the tough questions such as the one above.
How do we as believers move beyond the cliches and into Biblical truth?
Here's what the Lord is revealing to me: He's got a plan and purpose and is working for the good of those who love him.
Wait a second God. Hold the phone. Doesn't that sound exactly like the cliches I mentioned above??
The answer is yes, it most certainly does. But here's the best part: it doesn't stop there, in the emptiness of an expression that has no value. It goes one step further and actually points out the divine truth behind it all in a way that none but the Lord himself could describe it.
In sitting and discussing these issues with a friend, here's what the Lord brought to our attention: He is divinely orchestrating EVERYTHING.
And when I say everything, I really mean it.
1. I felt that this particular friend was the one I was supposed to call to talk things out.
2. She answered and needed a study break.
This is just one, miniscule example of the divine orchestration of the Lord. But here's a hard question that we all have to ask ourselves:
Will we choose to give him that much credit? Because if we give him that much credit, then it would seem that nothing we accomplish is by our doing.
But that's just it. Is anything by our doing? Or is the radical and relentless desire of the Lord to reveal himself to us ever present and ever moving in and around our lives?
So what, then, am I getting at here? How about this: He's got a plan and purpose in the midst of this tragedy (and any other tragedies) and is working for the good of those who love him.
All of the sudden the cliches are coming to life in a new and powerful way. Perhaps one individual, due to the tragedy, will cry for the first time in a year, therefore releasing all of the pent up emotions that have been crippling them. Still another may recognize the very real need of community and do their best to replicate what it should look like. Or perhaps yet another still has been ignoring God, yet in the midst of tragedy he has provided the opportunity for a holy argument to take place.
But wait, there's more.
Not only does he divinely orchestrate, but he divinely reveals. So to one that perhaps did not know the individuals involved , he urges them through pains in the stomach to pray that the community would not turn their face from him. Or to another he reveals the hope that is to come because of what has taken place.
Divine revelation. Yes please.
It's time we believe in the power of the Holy Spirit. That he is not only orchestrating, but he's revealing parts of himself that we would not have otherwise seen.
We will not ever understand why these things happen; nor should we waste our time dwelling on such things. We will never be satisfied with the conclusions that we come to. And as hard as it is to ponder, we have two options. Either we choose to believe that our knowledge is so incredibly limited in comparison to the Lord's and choose to believe that he will do what is good, or we turn our faces from him. It's high time we believe in the justness of God.
"Shall not the Judge of all the earth do what is just?" Genesis 18:25
Or that he's working for our good.
"For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
Or that has a plan for our lives.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Monday, October 10, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
No Room for a Complacent Heart
I've always entertained the question:
"What do they have that I don't?"
It wasn't necessarily a comparison question, though I did struggle with that for many years. More or less it was almost a frustration brewing within me. Perhaps it would be better phrased in this way:
"Why can't I have what they have?"
Yes, I was covetous. Still am when I allow the enemy to toy with my heart. I coveted their relationship with Jesus. It just came so naturally to them. Like second nature, they just seemed to be constantly in tune with the Spirit. Honestly, it was like a holy frustration.
So I found myself wondering, where do I go from here? Or better yet, how can I have what they have?
Well, the best (and perhaps most frustrating) thing that I have come to realize is that what they have has also been inside of me all along. Within a millisecond of creating us, we were filled with the glory of the Lord. It is inherent within us.
Isn't that why so many are constantly searching for the one thing that will make them ok? Or really even more than ok. Something that will fill them to the brim and maybe even make them overflow with joy? Laughter? Beauty?
I've had that all along. The problem came when I convinced myself that there was something I had to do, a certain way that I had to be, in order to obtain it. But isn't that the richest beauty of the gospel of Christ? That it is for EVERYONE? And it's freely given?
See, I think that my friends that I am referring to that just seem to have it figured out really do have it figured out. They are fully aware of the good work of the Lord within them, and the only reaction that makes sense to them is to just say yes. To step into agreement with the plan of the Most High King and simply say "I trust your plan. Here I am. Send me."
Oh that we would all realize who we truly are. Oh that we would dance. Oh that hearts would come fully alive.
"What do they have that I don't?"
It wasn't necessarily a comparison question, though I did struggle with that for many years. More or less it was almost a frustration brewing within me. Perhaps it would be better phrased in this way:
"Why can't I have what they have?"
Yes, I was covetous. Still am when I allow the enemy to toy with my heart. I coveted their relationship with Jesus. It just came so naturally to them. Like second nature, they just seemed to be constantly in tune with the Spirit. Honestly, it was like a holy frustration.
So I found myself wondering, where do I go from here? Or better yet, how can I have what they have?
Well, the best (and perhaps most frustrating) thing that I have come to realize is that what they have has also been inside of me all along. Within a millisecond of creating us, we were filled with the glory of the Lord. It is inherent within us.
Isn't that why so many are constantly searching for the one thing that will make them ok? Or really even more than ok. Something that will fill them to the brim and maybe even make them overflow with joy? Laughter? Beauty?
I've had that all along. The problem came when I convinced myself that there was something I had to do, a certain way that I had to be, in order to obtain it. But isn't that the richest beauty of the gospel of Christ? That it is for EVERYONE? And it's freely given?
See, I think that my friends that I am referring to that just seem to have it figured out really do have it figured out. They are fully aware of the good work of the Lord within them, and the only reaction that makes sense to them is to just say yes. To step into agreement with the plan of the Most High King and simply say "I trust your plan. Here I am. Send me."
Oh that we would all realize who we truly are. Oh that we would dance. Oh that hearts would come fully alive.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Back at the Naz
Well, here I am back at the Naz, aka college for my SENIOR year. It's so crazy to think that this is it. This is my last year to leave a lasting mark on this campus. Scary.
So the question I'm wrestling with is what exactly it means to do so. How do I leave a legacy? Or as it was worded in one of our sessions: Who will follow me?
Every answer I come up with relative to my position as a student leader is filled with the best intentions, but will I follow through? As this school year closes and I'm walking down that platform at graduation, the questions I would like to consider are as follows:
Did I consider every single person, even my greatest enemy, better than myself?
Did I make sure that every single person on this campus knew that they were just as important and could make just as much a difference even if they didn't have a leadership position?
Did I maintain an overall positive attitude even when faced with situations that I may not have necessarily agreed with?
Did I represent Jesus in every way possible?
The list goes on. I could be a part of throwing the world's greatest event, but in the end, how does that benefit others aside from a potential night of great fun? I'm not sure why, but the quote from one of my all-time favorite movies The Sandlot comes to mind.
"Heroes get remembered, but legends never die."
It's not so much that I want to be recognized. Simply that I want to know that I've been the best representation of Christ that I can possibly be in the lives of those around me.
"We can do no great things, only small things with great love." -Mother Teresa
So the question I'm wrestling with is what exactly it means to do so. How do I leave a legacy? Or as it was worded in one of our sessions: Who will follow me?
Every answer I come up with relative to my position as a student leader is filled with the best intentions, but will I follow through? As this school year closes and I'm walking down that platform at graduation, the questions I would like to consider are as follows:
Did I consider every single person, even my greatest enemy, better than myself?
Did I make sure that every single person on this campus knew that they were just as important and could make just as much a difference even if they didn't have a leadership position?
Did I maintain an overall positive attitude even when faced with situations that I may not have necessarily agreed with?
Did I represent Jesus in every way possible?
The list goes on. I could be a part of throwing the world's greatest event, but in the end, how does that benefit others aside from a potential night of great fun? I'm not sure why, but the quote from one of my all-time favorite movies The Sandlot comes to mind.
"Heroes get remembered, but legends never die."
It's not so much that I want to be recognized. Simply that I want to know that I've been the best representation of Christ that I can possibly be in the lives of those around me.
"We can do no great things, only small things with great love." -Mother Teresa
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Do You Know the Way You Move Me?
"I'm not disappointed in you, I'm not angry with you, so don't turn your face from me, I'm in love with you......
Do you know the way you move me?"
I have never heard a more beautiful song in my life. I heard it for the first time last night, and I can't stop listening to it. It's so hard for me to listen to a song about the Lord speaking over ME and telling ME the way I move him. How often have I heard the message that the Lord is disappointed in us when we turn from him? I mean, I'm sure it makes him sad, but God is love, right?
All this time, I feel as though I've been stuck under this mentality that every time I screw up and the more I screw up, the Lord becomes increasingly disappointed in me. Which is CRAZY. I mean, I've grown up in the church, how is it that I don't realize how much he loves me?
He IS love. Though the dictionary can't be bothered to include the Lord in the definition, I know in my heart of hearts that He is the very definition of the word. They are one in the same.
This hasn't been the greatest season for me, but I have got to start calling out truth in my life and speaking out against the lies of the enemy that I will never be able to overcome the sin in my life. This journey is a process. But there is one unchanging constant: the Lord. He is with me through everything, Lord, why do I forget?
Break me.
Tear down these walls.
I desire raw God.
I desire intimacy.
I desire all of You.
Do you know the way you move me?"
I have never heard a more beautiful song in my life. I heard it for the first time last night, and I can't stop listening to it. It's so hard for me to listen to a song about the Lord speaking over ME and telling ME the way I move him. How often have I heard the message that the Lord is disappointed in us when we turn from him? I mean, I'm sure it makes him sad, but God is love, right?
All this time, I feel as though I've been stuck under this mentality that every time I screw up and the more I screw up, the Lord becomes increasingly disappointed in me. Which is CRAZY. I mean, I've grown up in the church, how is it that I don't realize how much he loves me?
He IS love. Though the dictionary can't be bothered to include the Lord in the definition, I know in my heart of hearts that He is the very definition of the word. They are one in the same.
This hasn't been the greatest season for me, but I have got to start calling out truth in my life and speaking out against the lies of the enemy that I will never be able to overcome the sin in my life. This journey is a process. But there is one unchanging constant: the Lord. He is with me through everything, Lord, why do I forget?
Break me.
Tear down these walls.
I desire raw God.
I desire intimacy.
I desire all of You.
Friday, July 1, 2011
New Adventures :)
It's been a while since my last post. I've just been working my life away and doing my best to find joy in the mundane, because even in the mundane, the Lord is as real as ever.
Just a quick update: Lately my prayer has been that the Lord would simply make me aware of Him. And man, did I not realize what that would look like! I can remember from while ago, the Lord gave me the word simple, as well as giving a friend of mine the same word to speak over me. And that's exactly how I'd describe my relationship with the Lord lately. Simple, but beautiful.
I have the opportunity to visit my best friend this summer. I myself am unable to raise the funds I need, because every last cent is going toward my last year at Mount Vernon Naz! But I so trust that if I am to be there, the Lord will see me through.
My friend is a staff member with Youth With a Mission- http://www.ywam.org/. She is currently serving at a base in Kona, Hawaii leading a DTS (Discipleship Training School) that will start in less than a week. YWAM has always been an interest of mine after I graduate, and it would be amazing to get a taste of what the ministry is like!
My need is right around $1,000 for a round-trip flight the first of second week of August just before I head back to school. The most helpful thing anyone could do would be to support me through prayer. I so believe in its power! :)
If anyone has any extra flyer miles lying around or would like to support me through a donation (though I am not asking specifically for that) that would be the richest blessing.
Thank you to all of you who took time out to read through this. God Bless you!! :)
In Christ,
Courtney
Just a quick update: Lately my prayer has been that the Lord would simply make me aware of Him. And man, did I not realize what that would look like! I can remember from while ago, the Lord gave me the word simple, as well as giving a friend of mine the same word to speak over me. And that's exactly how I'd describe my relationship with the Lord lately. Simple, but beautiful.
I have the opportunity to visit my best friend this summer. I myself am unable to raise the funds I need, because every last cent is going toward my last year at Mount Vernon Naz! But I so trust that if I am to be there, the Lord will see me through.
My friend is a staff member with Youth With a Mission- http://www.ywam.org/. She is currently serving at a base in Kona, Hawaii leading a DTS (Discipleship Training School) that will start in less than a week. YWAM has always been an interest of mine after I graduate, and it would be amazing to get a taste of what the ministry is like!
My need is right around $1,000 for a round-trip flight the first of second week of August just before I head back to school. The most helpful thing anyone could do would be to support me through prayer. I so believe in its power! :)
If anyone has any extra flyer miles lying around or would like to support me through a donation (though I am not asking specifically for that) that would be the richest blessing.
Thank you to all of you who took time out to read through this. God Bless you!! :)
In Christ,
Courtney
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Spirit-filled Life
"Draw near to God and he WILL draw near to you." James 4:8
I wrote that late last night. Probably one of my new favorite verses given recent events. Which I will explain here if not for any other reason than to give glory to God and to remember today forever.
First of all, it was already a great day. I spent the day with my good pal Catie who had just gotten back from Ecuador. It was nice to just chill and practice my spanish a bit. I knew once she left I was going to be a total bum the rest of the day, and sure enough, once she left, I came back to my room and wanted to crash. But before I was going to, I wanted to get in a bit of time with THE greatest friend EVER-- Jesus.
So there I was, just sifting through the word, annnd....
BAM. The most uncontrollable laughter I've ever experienced in my life. At first I just assumed it was my extreme slumber that was making me laugh hysterically. But this wasn't a laughter like any other. It's kind of impossible to explain. All I know is, this was a laughing attack from the Holy Spirit himself. I found myself pacing the room, not being able to form any coherent words, let alone sentences, just grinning from ear to ear and chuckling at, well, nothing.
And it....was....AWESOME. I think the funniest part of the whole thing was that I couldn't help but wonder what people would think if they had seen me. I mean, I'm thinking it would have been an immediate admittance into the psych ward for me.
So... coincidence that I had written that verse the night before? I don't really think so. I'd actually forgotten about it for a while. And I mean, I believed it was true, but man. It's TRUE.
The other verse that came to mind was the one in 2 Corinthians 5:13 which reads"
"For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are in our right
mind, it is for you."
Mmmhmmm. That pretty much sums up how I was feeling. I've never experienced the Holy Spirit in such a tangible way. My insides are still groaning for the things of the Spirit. The feeling hasn't left me, even six hours later. I have never been more aware of the Lord in my entire life.
I literally felt as though God was more or less saying to me "Yes, I love you that much."
This is the beginning of amazing things. Taste and see that the Lord is good? Oh, I think I have.
"Jehova esta en medio de ti, poderoso, el salvara; se gozara sobre ti con
alegrÃa; callara con amor; regocijara sobre ti con canciones."
"The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will
rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will
exult over you with loud singing." Zephaniah 3:17
Awaken hearts Lord. Glory to you and you alone.
Courtney
I wrote that late last night. Probably one of my new favorite verses given recent events. Which I will explain here if not for any other reason than to give glory to God and to remember today forever.
First of all, it was already a great day. I spent the day with my good pal Catie who had just gotten back from Ecuador. It was nice to just chill and practice my spanish a bit. I knew once she left I was going to be a total bum the rest of the day, and sure enough, once she left, I came back to my room and wanted to crash. But before I was going to, I wanted to get in a bit of time with THE greatest friend EVER-- Jesus.
So there I was, just sifting through the word, annnd....
BAM. The most uncontrollable laughter I've ever experienced in my life. At first I just assumed it was my extreme slumber that was making me laugh hysterically. But this wasn't a laughter like any other. It's kind of impossible to explain. All I know is, this was a laughing attack from the Holy Spirit himself. I found myself pacing the room, not being able to form any coherent words, let alone sentences, just grinning from ear to ear and chuckling at, well, nothing.
And it....was....AWESOME. I think the funniest part of the whole thing was that I couldn't help but wonder what people would think if they had seen me. I mean, I'm thinking it would have been an immediate admittance into the psych ward for me.
So... coincidence that I had written that verse the night before? I don't really think so. I'd actually forgotten about it for a while. And I mean, I believed it was true, but man. It's TRUE.
The other verse that came to mind was the one in 2 Corinthians 5:13 which reads"
"For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are in our right
mind, it is for you."
Mmmhmmm. That pretty much sums up how I was feeling. I've never experienced the Holy Spirit in such a tangible way. My insides are still groaning for the things of the Spirit. The feeling hasn't left me, even six hours later. I have never been more aware of the Lord in my entire life.
I literally felt as though God was more or less saying to me "Yes, I love you that much."
This is the beginning of amazing things. Taste and see that the Lord is good? Oh, I think I have.
"Jehova esta en medio de ti, poderoso, el salvara; se gozara sobre ti con
alegrÃa; callara con amor; regocijara sobre ti con canciones."
"The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will
rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will
exult over you with loud singing." Zephaniah 3:17
Awaken hearts Lord. Glory to you and you alone.
Courtney
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Anger v. Love
A friend of mine posted this quote a few days ago:
"Anger is a proper response to injustice. It is not, however, proper motivation for action against injustice."
I'd say this hits the nail on the head. I believe that as believers, all to often we are driven by our anger toward the way things are going in the world and thus anger is ingrained in our actions. I have to admit that I used to be this way. I was consumed by the thought of awakening the bride of Christ in America. In and of itself, not such a terrible thing. But I was so driven by my anger toward this nation that I have no doubt my actions would have been as well.
See I believe whole-heartedly that we are to be the voice for the voiceless; for the over-looked; for the marginalized and so on. But it can never be that we take action on the Lord's behalf unless we are driven by love. Love for an individual, love for a group, love for our brothers and sisters around the world. We have to LOVINGLY call out truth in people's lives.
It breaks my heart when I hear of a church group parading the streets with banners saying "God hates fags," and things of the like. Is it any wonder why more and more people are leaving the church and/or never give it a chance in the first place? And yet I call to mind the fact that I have to love such groups just as much as anyone else.
And yes, I mean ANYONE else. Even the child abusers you ask? Yes. The murderers? You bet. The list never ends, and neither should love. The love of the Lord cannot run out, otherwise it would be seemingly be useless. But it only by HIS love that we are able to love such individuals. I'm willing to admit that some of the acts committed by people just utterly disturb me. All I know is that I am called to love, and love unconditionally.
Neither can I judge others, otherwise I condemn myself. It is God who justifies. And he is both just and the justifier. How is this possible? He is just in that he for our sake willingly gave of himself that we might have the opportunity to spend eternity with him.
I'm not sure if any of this makes sense. All I know is, as we go out and speak against the injustice of this world, may it never be that we act according to our anger, which is a tool of the enemy, but let us instead be utterly consumed by the love of the Lord.
Thanks for stopping by :)
-Courtney
"Anger is a proper response to injustice. It is not, however, proper motivation for action against injustice."
I'd say this hits the nail on the head. I believe that as believers, all to often we are driven by our anger toward the way things are going in the world and thus anger is ingrained in our actions. I have to admit that I used to be this way. I was consumed by the thought of awakening the bride of Christ in America. In and of itself, not such a terrible thing. But I was so driven by my anger toward this nation that I have no doubt my actions would have been as well.
See I believe whole-heartedly that we are to be the voice for the voiceless; for the over-looked; for the marginalized and so on. But it can never be that we take action on the Lord's behalf unless we are driven by love. Love for an individual, love for a group, love for our brothers and sisters around the world. We have to LOVINGLY call out truth in people's lives.
It breaks my heart when I hear of a church group parading the streets with banners saying "God hates fags," and things of the like. Is it any wonder why more and more people are leaving the church and/or never give it a chance in the first place? And yet I call to mind the fact that I have to love such groups just as much as anyone else.
And yes, I mean ANYONE else. Even the child abusers you ask? Yes. The murderers? You bet. The list never ends, and neither should love. The love of the Lord cannot run out, otherwise it would be seemingly be useless. But it only by HIS love that we are able to love such individuals. I'm willing to admit that some of the acts committed by people just utterly disturb me. All I know is that I am called to love, and love unconditionally.
Neither can I judge others, otherwise I condemn myself. It is God who justifies. And he is both just and the justifier. How is this possible? He is just in that he for our sake willingly gave of himself that we might have the opportunity to spend eternity with him.
I'm not sure if any of this makes sense. All I know is, as we go out and speak against the injustice of this world, may it never be that we act according to our anger, which is a tool of the enemy, but let us instead be utterly consumed by the love of the Lord.
Thanks for stopping by :)
-Courtney
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Perspective
There is nothing like perspective from the Lord. I can't even begin to describe it.. All I know is, tonight was amazing. The gentle, subtle voices that come from God through another are a treasure to be valued.
The still, small voice...
That chill running down your spine...
The gentle reminders of the Word...
I'm realizing lately just how important even the slightest of things from the spiritual realm are. Though I believe and want for dreams and visions, just the feeling I get when kneeling before the Lord is a treasure more precious than any other.
In the secret, in the quiet place
In the stillness you are there
In the secret, in the quiet hour I wait, only for you
Cuz I want to know you more...
All I need every single second of my life is more of the Lord. Whether that comes through a prophetic word or just that feeling I get, I humbly bow and receive all that is from Him.
The still, small voice...
That chill running down your spine...
The gentle reminders of the Word...
I'm realizing lately just how important even the slightest of things from the spiritual realm are. Though I believe and want for dreams and visions, just the feeling I get when kneeling before the Lord is a treasure more precious than any other.
In the secret, in the quiet place
In the stillness you are there
In the secret, in the quiet hour I wait, only for you
Cuz I want to know you more...
All I need every single second of my life is more of the Lord. Whether that comes through a prophetic word or just that feeling I get, I humbly bow and receive all that is from Him.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
So. This, as most of my entries, will most likely be just a bunch of ramblings from a disgruntled follower of Jesus just trying to reflect on the nature of the Lord. Thought number one: The secular world seems to think we're crazy for believing in things unseen and in a reality that just doesn't seem plausible (if it did would it be worth pursuing?). If it were the case that we as Christians were wrong, well, the only thing I can think of is how depressing life would be. Sure, there are different theories as to how we came to be, but let's go with a fairly common one: the Big Bang. Now I will admit that this may have some feasibility to it as that may very well be what it seemed like when the Lord created. However, I choose to believe that there was a master behind all of it. Either way, something happened out of nothing. Either we can believe that it just happened, or that there is a creator behind it all. Both ways, ill admit, are nuts and beyond comprehension, but the latter at least offers hope. What can we hope in/for if we just happened for no reason? On the other hand, there is hope found in a Creator who designed each and every one of us with a specific purpose in mind to rule over all the earth.
Also, I have to believe that even the secularists wish that they believed in something higher than themselves. Like I said, it just appears to me (again, just an observation as I myself have been raised a Christian my whole life) that life without belief in some sort of higher power beyond our reality would just be meaningless and empty. I am not in any way trying to belittle my fellow brothers and sisters that share my belief. I only find myself entertaining the idea that if I myself did not believe in a master but instead that I just happened, I would constantly be questioning the meaning of life.
To be honest, I still, even as a believer in Christ entertain that thought. I mean, if someone were to walk up to me right now and say 'what is the meaning of life,' I'd have to take some time to seriously consider it before answering. if I had to come up with an answer right now, I suppose I'd say something along the lines of 'to live like `Jesus.' Of course, to our secular friends, that answer doesn't fly. That answer has a specidic purpose behind it. As I mentioned, I feel as though those that don't claim belief in a higher power would constantly be questioning their meaning. Therefore I have to wonder if their response to this question wouldn't be something like 'to find ones purpose.' Sure there would be different variations in there, such as 'to be successful' or something along those lines. But I have to believe that if people were really honest with themselves, they would start to realize the importance of pursuing purpose. After all, from my point of view as a believer, we were created for a purpose and therefore have a purpose. It is just being filled with the wrong things.
Anyway, its about that time. Hope this made sense. Goodnight cyber world. Thanks for listening!
Also, I have to believe that even the secularists wish that they believed in something higher than themselves. Like I said, it just appears to me (again, just an observation as I myself have been raised a Christian my whole life) that life without belief in some sort of higher power beyond our reality would just be meaningless and empty. I am not in any way trying to belittle my fellow brothers and sisters that share my belief. I only find myself entertaining the idea that if I myself did not believe in a master but instead that I just happened, I would constantly be questioning the meaning of life.
To be honest, I still, even as a believer in Christ entertain that thought. I mean, if someone were to walk up to me right now and say 'what is the meaning of life,' I'd have to take some time to seriously consider it before answering. if I had to come up with an answer right now, I suppose I'd say something along the lines of 'to live like `Jesus.' Of course, to our secular friends, that answer doesn't fly. That answer has a specidic purpose behind it. As I mentioned, I feel as though those that don't claim belief in a higher power would constantly be questioning their meaning. Therefore I have to wonder if their response to this question wouldn't be something like 'to find ones purpose.' Sure there would be different variations in there, such as 'to be successful' or something along those lines. But I have to believe that if people were really honest with themselves, they would start to realize the importance of pursuing purpose. After all, from my point of view as a believer, we were created for a purpose and therefore have a purpose. It is just being filled with the wrong things.
Anyway, its about that time. Hope this made sense. Goodnight cyber world. Thanks for listening!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Masks
Lately, especially in one of my classes in particular, we have been focusing on reflection and what it looks like to be a reflective Christian. It's been great so far, and I'm stoked to see where it goes.
In other news, a friend of mine just posted one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. I'll post it here... then reflect on it (though I doubt very seriously that it will be as thought-provoking given the late hour):
Writing too honestly could expose the death-riddled parts of our hearts and incur more death by the judgement passed by readers. Judgment may be too strong. I’ll use the word ‘critique’. Subtle, malignant analyses of the content of one’s writing. In humbling ourselves, in vulnerability we offer an open window to the soul. people can view the inner sanctuary of the house and come and commune. To create the life-breathing relationships it takes to make a house a home. Or vandals may enter to tear down the intricate design of the designer. Destroying and deeming worthless the beautiful paintings that may be in the process of being refurbished. They may not be as they once were, but that’s what the designer is there for... Bringing to attention what the artist intended originally. Restoring the integrity of the house.
To write honestly, is to unveil what may be incorrect, or what is in process of being established in that inner sanctuary. To write with vulnerability is to invite others to come and view our naked hearts. It is an opportunity for our thoughts to produce what we hope for them to. To read, is to watch something blossom or infect.
Ok so... mad props to my pal here. I'm just saying, if she were to write a book, I'd be the first one in line. Of course, that's certainly not what she's getting at or looking for; recognition. In a nutshell what the above thought says to me is 'Are you willing?' Willing to take a leap of faith and just hope and pray to God that someone out there is reflecting and wondering and maybe even doubting just as much as you are.
All I know is, I've already started this annoying yet captivating process of reflection and there is no turning back. So what are my thoughts exactly? And that's all they are- just thoughts.
Here's something: I'm tired of hiding whatsoever. This mask that I've worn for so long, that too many of us wear for our whole lives? I want nothing to do with it anymore. Not to be cheesy and quote Princess Diaries, but since it came to mind: "I'm taking it off and it's going in the dirt." But seriously. And that dirt is the dirt that friends have piled up on the grass from a hole they've been digging- my hole. They've taken the shovel and dug until there is no more room to dig.
That's where I want my mask to go.
I want it so there is literally nothing more to dig because everything has been poured out. I want to live with nothing hidden.
My question? Are we willing to be vulnerable against all odds, with the possibility of the hammer of judgment pounding it's ugly gavel all around us, in order that we might become a people with unveiled faces?
Oh how beautiful it could be.
In other news, a friend of mine just posted one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. I'll post it here... then reflect on it (though I doubt very seriously that it will be as thought-provoking given the late hour):
Writing too honestly could expose the death-riddled parts of our hearts and incur more death by the judgement passed by readers. Judgment may be too strong. I’ll use the word ‘critique’. Subtle, malignant analyses of the content of one’s writing. In humbling ourselves, in vulnerability we offer an open window to the soul. people can view the inner sanctuary of the house and come and commune. To create the life-breathing relationships it takes to make a house a home. Or vandals may enter to tear down the intricate design of the designer. Destroying and deeming worthless the beautiful paintings that may be in the process of being refurbished. They may not be as they once were, but that’s what the designer is there for... Bringing to attention what the artist intended originally. Restoring the integrity of the house.
To write honestly, is to unveil what may be incorrect, or what is in process of being established in that inner sanctuary. To write with vulnerability is to invite others to come and view our naked hearts. It is an opportunity for our thoughts to produce what we hope for them to. To read, is to watch something blossom or infect.
Ok so... mad props to my pal here. I'm just saying, if she were to write a book, I'd be the first one in line. Of course, that's certainly not what she's getting at or looking for; recognition. In a nutshell what the above thought says to me is 'Are you willing?' Willing to take a leap of faith and just hope and pray to God that someone out there is reflecting and wondering and maybe even doubting just as much as you are.
All I know is, I've already started this annoying yet captivating process of reflection and there is no turning back. So what are my thoughts exactly? And that's all they are- just thoughts.
Here's something: I'm tired of hiding whatsoever. This mask that I've worn for so long, that too many of us wear for our whole lives? I want nothing to do with it anymore. Not to be cheesy and quote Princess Diaries, but since it came to mind: "I'm taking it off and it's going in the dirt." But seriously. And that dirt is the dirt that friends have piled up on the grass from a hole they've been digging- my hole. They've taken the shovel and dug until there is no more room to dig.
That's where I want my mask to go.
I want it so there is literally nothing more to dig because everything has been poured out. I want to live with nothing hidden.
My question? Are we willing to be vulnerable against all odds, with the possibility of the hammer of judgment pounding it's ugly gavel all around us, in order that we might become a people with unveiled faces?
Oh how beautiful it could be.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
UNconditional L-O-V-E :)
The inner monologue of Courtney Ball:
Me: Ok, that's it. Christ's love is unconditional. UNCONDITIONAL. So dear Courtney, I say to you: LOVE PEOPLE UNCONDITIONALLY. That means without conditions!!
Me 2: Well if it's alright with you, I'd rather just constantly revert back to things and dwell on them. I relentlessly try to let them go, but that lovely thing called my humanness keeps wanting even just one little thing that will make my love worth giving.
Me: Jesus, anyone? He's quite the helper when it comes to things such as this.
Me 2: Well, yes, and I've petitioned him relentlessly every day, asking if I am doing the right thing, but all I get is silence. So I don't know what the Lord wants. I constantly worry that I've missed what He's saying because I am no good at being quiet.
Me: Did you ever consider that maybe you haven't heard anything because you are doing exactly what he wants you to? And if he really wanted to say something to you, your lack of discipline in the being silent department would not be enough to stop him.
Me 2: Sometimes I dream of punching you in the face, me.
Me: Well now that wouldn't be very smart would it?
Me 2: .... (in writing, this is like a thought bubble).
To unconditional love!!
Me: Ok, that's it. Christ's love is unconditional. UNCONDITIONAL. So dear Courtney, I say to you: LOVE PEOPLE UNCONDITIONALLY. That means without conditions!!
Me 2: Well if it's alright with you, I'd rather just constantly revert back to things and dwell on them. I relentlessly try to let them go, but that lovely thing called my humanness keeps wanting even just one little thing that will make my love worth giving.
Me: Jesus, anyone? He's quite the helper when it comes to things such as this.
Me 2: Well, yes, and I've petitioned him relentlessly every day, asking if I am doing the right thing, but all I get is silence. So I don't know what the Lord wants. I constantly worry that I've missed what He's saying because I am no good at being quiet.
Me: Did you ever consider that maybe you haven't heard anything because you are doing exactly what he wants you to? And if he really wanted to say something to you, your lack of discipline in the being silent department would not be enough to stop him.
Me 2: Sometimes I dream of punching you in the face, me.
Me: Well now that wouldn't be very smart would it?
Me 2: .... (in writing, this is like a thought bubble).
To unconditional love!!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
3:00 in the Morning...
It's been quite a long time since I last wrote. Guess I kind of forgot about this ol' thing. I'm thinking I want to start back up again though, blogging is fun.
Anyway, my thoughts are currently racing. Yes, even at 3:00 in the morning. It seems the brain never really stops processing. So what exactly am I thinking about?
I suppose my thoughts have a great deal to do with the Lord. Thought #1: Where has passion gotten to? We who call ourselves Christ's ambassadors; why are we not on our knees every second of every day? We who claim to know Him; why do we not act as though we do? The simple knowledge of his love for us should instantly drive us to lay prostrate at His feet.
So then why aren't we? What are we missing here? I think the main problem is that we don't believe in signs and wonders or miracles. It seems they have just been pushed to the wayside. But we have got to believe in the power of the Lord. He desires to reveal himself to us in crazy ways; supernatural ways. But we have so diminished transcendent realities that we have limited God; whether intentionally or not. And when we limit God, he does not have the authority he ought to. And when he doesn't have that divine authority, we tend to put him in as box. Who wants to kneel before someone that can't even step outside the box?
There's that, and then of course God's love for us. Sometimes I wonder if we even take it seriously. Bold as it might be to say, I think that if we did, we really would be on our knees because we simply would not know how to do anything else BUT serve Him.
So, I'm rambling. And I've been quite a bit distracted, (though a welcome distraction) by the presence of the Lord. Sitting in the Lord's presence-- what can possibly be better? Man... it's beautiful!! Just feeling his presence in and of itself is a miracle.
So people, wake up from your slumber! It's time we started believing in the Lord's power. His supernatural kingdom is invading the earthly kingdom; here and now. Amen!!
PS-- Who am I talking to anyway? :)
Anyway, my thoughts are currently racing. Yes, even at 3:00 in the morning. It seems the brain never really stops processing. So what exactly am I thinking about?
I suppose my thoughts have a great deal to do with the Lord. Thought #1: Where has passion gotten to? We who call ourselves Christ's ambassadors; why are we not on our knees every second of every day? We who claim to know Him; why do we not act as though we do? The simple knowledge of his love for us should instantly drive us to lay prostrate at His feet.
So then why aren't we? What are we missing here? I think the main problem is that we don't believe in signs and wonders or miracles. It seems they have just been pushed to the wayside. But we have got to believe in the power of the Lord. He desires to reveal himself to us in crazy ways; supernatural ways. But we have so diminished transcendent realities that we have limited God; whether intentionally or not. And when we limit God, he does not have the authority he ought to. And when he doesn't have that divine authority, we tend to put him in as box. Who wants to kneel before someone that can't even step outside the box?
There's that, and then of course God's love for us. Sometimes I wonder if we even take it seriously. Bold as it might be to say, I think that if we did, we really would be on our knees because we simply would not know how to do anything else BUT serve Him.
So, I'm rambling. And I've been quite a bit distracted, (though a welcome distraction) by the presence of the Lord. Sitting in the Lord's presence-- what can possibly be better? Man... it's beautiful!! Just feeling his presence in and of itself is a miracle.
So people, wake up from your slumber! It's time we started believing in the Lord's power. His supernatural kingdom is invading the earthly kingdom; here and now. Amen!!
PS-- Who am I talking to anyway? :)
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